let us put an END to this..

lost..

i really wanted to back-out the day before it would happen.. im not prepared. and my mind wasn’t programmed yet. i had a lot of things to dwell with. so many things to think about.

i had memorized the piece for about 5 hours yesterday, and at that moment, im still at the midst of hesitation. i should never engaged myself to that thing, so i would never encounter so much dilemma and frustration.

but there’s no way out…

and i must face it. i know..

before i slept last night, i prayed to Him. just give me strength and don’t allow me to be humiliated in front of the judges and my classmates. i don’t want to give shame to my section..

just strength, and that’s all.. don’t mind of winning. my mind and my soul wasn’t equipped after all. and as i see, my competitors are good, maybe a miracle should happen to situate me in the pedestal, i guess.

kuya jessie was at surprised when i told him that i was able to memorize that 2-page piece. he was somehow relieved.

“thank you lord!”

that’s the first sentence i said when i took my seat after i delivered my piece. a big rock of anxiety was fin’lly removed at my chest. i was grateful.

but then, i lost.. its okay.. i just wanted to end this day without being mortified, even without a medal.

but then again, i made my very decision after that event. its not like ending a long cherished dream of mine. more like, i’m finally putting a closure to a career where i never had to much luck.  even before then.

maybe its a capitulate on my part. but i guess, its the best thing that i should do. to lay down my arms and never fight again.

today is the last day of my public speaking career.

i won’t pursue to join in such thing like that.

and i’m extending my deepest apology to my mentors way back in highschool.

 it was never my thing.